


Deserving

by SaiVega



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Confrontations, F/F, Female Friendship, Female Relationships, Gem Fusion, One Shot, Yuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 20:01:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18373085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaiVega/pseuds/SaiVega
Summary: After returning from Homeworld, Peridot went to the most unlikely gem to seek insight. When Lapis Lazuli finds out, they end up revealing how hurt they both are, and inevitably realize their underlying mess of insecurities and guilt.





	Deserving

**Author's Note:**

> I was really disappointed when Lapis and Peridot didn't fuse in the season five finale. I also think these two have a lot of issues that they didn't get a chance to address because of the whole Diamonds ordeal. So this is basically what I would really like to see in the next season. And although this is a one shot, I am considering to write a sequel that will also address a few more issues (but I probably won't get to it right away since I'm working on something else).  
> Anyway, thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy! Please leave feedback!

The War was over.

 

The Diamonds cleansed and healed the gems they had corrupted, and the Crystal Gems rejoiced as they witnessed what they had waited for, what they had fought for over five thousand years. They can finally say that it was all worth it. Everyone returned to their true form. Everyone returned to their true selves. Everyone was back. And Jasper was back.

 

Peridot found her overlooking Beach City's shores from a cliff.

 

"What'd you want?" The Quartz warrior looked back at her former team member approaching her. Oddly enough, there wasn't any hostility to sense from her. But Peridot still flinched since she didn't sound particularly kind either. Perhaps that's what choked her from answering her. Jasper stood there as she simply watched the smaller gem move to stand next to her. And as if to say she didn't care enough to get an answer to her question, Jasper just turned back to the calm sea.

 

"Who would've thought Rose Quartz was really Pink Diamond... My Diamond." She murmured with eyes narrowing at the sun dipping into the horizon. Peridot didn't know how to respond to that. She can't remember Jasper ever sounding like that and she didn't know how to interpret that tone. Jasper could feel Peridot's stare and it made her heave a sigh.

 

"So are you here to gloat?" Her usual heavy-set tone returned to her deep voice. "Wanna tell me how you were right for joining the Crystal Gems? How your friends did a fantastic job in convincing the Diamonds to cure me and everyone else?"

 

"So... you're ok?"

 

"Huh?" Jasper looked at Peridot again, dumbstruck by how her cynicism seemed to not even touch her. Then she noticed Peridot's eyes were not on her face, but directed more at her head. Or rather, the horns protruding from it. The smaller gem's curious stare made her roll her eyes as if to say 'oh yeah, these.'

 

"Yeah, I'm ok." She said instead. "The corruption itself is gone, I think. This is all that's left of it." She brushed her fingers over the blue horns like feeling an old scar.

 

"Why would you even fuse with a corrupted gem?" Jasper made a face like she was about to ask Peridot if she was being serious. But then she saw the look Peridot was sending her, and already knew the question was in fact genuine. She took a short moment to consider what to say instead.

 

"... I take it you've never fused?" Peridot shook her head and Jasper raised a perplexed brow. "Not even with any of your Crystal Gem friends?" Peridot shook her head again, but this time something like shame clouded her eyes that fell downcast to her feet. Regardless, Jasper shrugged her shoulders with a scoff.

 

"Then I don't expect you to understand." Because she didn't understand until she experienced it herself.

 

"... What's it like?" Peridot looked up at Jasper again whose lips pulled back to a broad grin. The Quartz chuckled like she was really amused by the question mustered out of her. Like she knew that's not the question the green gem really wanted to ask.

 

"Wanna try?"

 

"W-What are you saying!?" Peridot gasped and staggered back a step from the idea being suggested. Jasper's grin broadened at how her face looked as though she couldn't believe it was actually being vocalized.

 

"I'm saying, why don't you see for yourself?" Jasper laughed. "Come on, let's face it. Even you know that no matter how anyone explains it, you won't truly understand unless you try it yourself. And don't you want to understand? Why the Crystal Gems are always fusing with each other. Why I was even willing to fuse with a corrupted gem. I know that's why you came to me." Jasper took a step towards Peridot with that cocky smirk she was so good at as if daring her to deny any of it. But Peridot couldn't even blink under the intensity of that stare coming from the gem towering over her.

 

"Well, if you're too scared to just come out and ask, let me make it easier for you." Jasper held out a hand. "Fuse with me, Peridot."

 

"... J-Jasper?" The much smaller gem failed to hold back the quiver in her voice as her spine stiffened to the words, at the mentioning of her name. Uncertainty bound her from reaching out to the offered hand and she shifted her eyes up to the face of the Quartz warrior it belonged to. She gasped when the said hand grabbed her wrist and Jasper pulled her in. Peridot grimaced at the overwhelming force, at the sort of gleam that flashed in the eyes.

 

"Let's fuse and—“ The rest was lost as neither gem saw the massive fist of water coming until it sent Jasper flying. Peridot let out a yelp as she was pulled along by the Quartz's clutch that let go of her in midair. She dropped into a pair of arms instead of the ground far below her. Peridot looked up, already knowing who had caught her.

 

"Don't you dare touch her." The quietness of Lapis Lazuli's voice resonated her rage, holding the resemblance of the calm sea before a storm. Peridot peered up at her face that was set like stone. Her cold gaze narrowed as she watched Jasper recover from her blow, and it was like seeing the water she summons ice over.

 

"Hey, Peridot!" Jasper's loud call gave Peridot a startled jolt and pulled her attention away from Lapis to the Quartz standing below them. "I wouldn't recommend you try it with her. Trust me, I would know." Jasper added with a low chuckle and Lapis grit her teeth against the audacity she had to still address Peridot while passively mentioning her like she wasn't even there. And Jasper held that simmering gaze as if to still let her know how intentional it was. Her lips pulled back to a grin like she couldn't contain how amused she was.

 

"You clod!" Lapis jumped at the trademark insult and looked down at the gem in her arms who shrieked it. "You obviously don't know anything!" Peridot went on shouting at Jasper who also stared dumbfounded by the small gem's ability to simply ignore and instantly shatter the hostile tension.

 

"Come on, Lapis. We don't need to waste our time with this clod. Nyah!" Peridot stuck her tongue out at Jasper, causing giggles to bubble from Lapis. Jasper rolled her eyes. Considering it's Peridot, she probably didn't even catch on to the heavy weight of the air before her outburst that swept it away.

 

"Sounds good." Lapis chuckled again and her wings of water flapped to turn around. But she gave a small glimpse over her shoulder and the smile was not touching her eyes that were directed at Jasper. In that brief moment she silently sent the Quartz warrior one last warning.

 

_Next time, I'll shatter you._

 

Jasper didn't even flinch to it but the message still reached her in the form of a dark chill spidering down her spine. It was barely a second and Lapis faced forward again before Peridot could suspect anything. Her liquid wings gave a good strong flap and launched them forward, leaving Jasper behind.

 

"Whatever." Jasper muttered lowly as she watched them fly toward Steven's home with a tight frown.

 

"W-wait, Lapis!" Peridot jolted upright and while Lapis didn't stop, she looked at her to let her say what's wrong. "I learned to fly, remember? You don't have to carry me anymore." Lapis blinked at the little gem in her arms.

 

"Mmmm... I don't mind." Her response and the way her lips smiled puzzled Peridot.

 

"...Um, ok." She didn't know how else to react under the affectionate fixation as it made the green in her cheeks deepen. She awkwardly averted her sheepish gaze to the house they were nearing. Lapis' wings returned to the gem in her back as she landed on the porch, finally putting Peridot down when they went through the door.

 

"Are you alright?" Lapis knelt down in front of the smaller gem and held shoulders in a frantic grip. "Did she hurt you?"

 

"I-I'm ok—“

 

"Lapis! Peridot!" Steven came rushing over to them with the rest of the Crystal Gems. "What's wrong?" Peridot couldn't blame him for looking so worried. It was the question written on all of the faces of the Crystal Gems. Lapis suddenly panicking in the middle of the living room clearly made a scene that concerned everyone. But before Peridot could say anything to put them to ease, Lapis stood and stepped forward.

 

"It's Jasper."

 

"Jasper?" Pearl gasped. "What did she want?" Lapis blinked at the question, realizing that she didn't know the answer. Realizing that she hadn't even asked it herself.

 

"Peridot, what—“ She turned around but the only one who can answer was no longer standing behind her. She started for the slightly opened front door. Behind her, Steven and the other Crystal Gems were about to follow her. Except Garnet, who stepped between Lapis and the others.

 

"Let them sort it out." They knew that tone. It meant Garnet saw something in her future vision. So they watched Lapis go.

 

"Peridot?" Lapis stepped outside, and the sight of Peridot standing on the porch gave her a sense of relief. The addressed Gem, on the other hand, flinched to the voice calling her name. Peridot clearly heard her but didn’t—couldn’t turn around. Her back remained faced at Lapis, her hands still resting against the porch railing as if she was too busy staring out at the ocean. But the sun had set completely and the sky was blanketed with thick heavy clouds. It caused the night to become so dark it melded the outline between the sea and the sky, making the border seem non-existent. And if it weren't for the small white waves in the far distance, it'd just be a bleak plane of abyss. Even though she could feel the other slowly approaching, could feel her worried stare pressing on her back, Peridot kept staring out at that vast abyss like it was better than having to face Lapis.

 

"Peridot, are you ok?" It was even worse to hear the concern lacing her voice. "Did Jasper hurt you?" Lapis reached for her shoulder.

 

"...No." Peridot sighed and brought the hand to an abrupt stop before she could touch her. "We were just... talking." Confusion hindered Lapis from making the contact and her hand retreated.

 

"...She said something about not trying something with me." Even though she knew it was coming, Peridot scraped around for something to say, anything that'll keep Lapis from asking. "What were you two talking about?"

 

"...Fusion." After a short, hesitated pause, Peridot's voice burned with reluctance.

 

"What?" Lapis furrowed her brows as if she might have heard it wrong. But she knew she didn't. "Wait... Were you going to—“

 

"No!" Peridot whipped around, finally facing Lapis. "We were just... talking about it." But her voice lowered with the guilt that was like a giant cold stone sinking so heavily in her guts it pulled her shoulders down with it.

 

"Why were you even discussing it with her?" Peridot felt like she could be crushed by Lapis' rising voice pressing down on her.

 

"L-Lapis—“

 

"Were you actually _considering_ it!?" Lapis shouted, unable to hold back the cutthroat sharpness. She clenched her hands into tight fists at her sides, and Peridot noticed how they trembled with whatever else she was still holding back. Whatever it was, Peridot felt like she saw it in her eyes. The storm that was directed at Jasper earlier was focused on her now.

 

"Lapis, please—“

 

"... _Why_!?" Lapis screamed like she didn't know how else to sum up everything that was raging within her because she couldn't hold it in. She couldn't stop it from bursting out of the gem in her back to lift her off of the ground and into the air. Peridot was taken over by an all-too-familiar kind of dread that she couldn't hide. Lapis saw it. She still flew away.

 

"Wait, Lapis!" Peridot's voice rang through the air and the blue gem glanced over her shoulder just once. But she faced forward again and the sky still kept pulling her further away. But Peridot's plea didn't just reach Lapis. Steven was the one who stepped forward.

 

"Steven," Garnet warned with a hand to his shoulder.

 

"I know, leave it to them." But Steven looked at her with eyes that said he didn't doubt the fusion's prophecy. "It's ok." He assured her, with a smile that said he knows he can trust Peridot. Garnet smiled back, and lifted her hand for him to go. Steven nodded in thanks and ran for the door, picking up a metal trash lid on his way out. Peridot was already at the bottom of the porch stairs.

 

"Peridot!" Steven called, and just as the green gem turned, he tossed the metal lid like a Frisbee.

 

"Thanks, Steven!" She flipped the lid over and stepped on. Steven watched her rise into the sky, going after Lapis.

 

"Quick thinking there." Bismuth came next to Steven with a proud grin. And then they glanced up at the sky that suddenly rumbled loudly. The thick clouds above them have grown too heavy and began to drop the rain they could no longer hold in.

 

"Do you think... they'll be ok?" Steven asked quietly as if he was taking it to be for some form of bad omen.

 

"I'm sure they'll be alright." Bismuth ruffled his dark curls, rubbing away some of that worry. She turned away from the chase in the sky. Her eyes narrowed and past the drizzling rain, she made out a figure on one of the cliffs in the distance.

 

"Is that Jasper?"

 

"...Yes." Steven also looked and nodded with a frown, that worry returning again.

 

"Hmm... Lemme go check on her." The blacksmith winked at the worried boy and pointed a thumb in Jasper's direction. "Just to make sure she isn't causing any trouble."

 

"But..." Steven was about to stop her as she started down the stairs. Instead he looked up at Garnet who appeared next to him. She didn't say anything. She just smiled down on him with that knowing smile of hers that told him everything was going to be ok. That was all he needed.

 

In the sky, Peridot managed to tail Lapis. Being able to fly certainly had its advantages and Peridot rallied her focus on the gem in front of her. Even though it was hard enough just to keep up with her, the green gem's determination seemed to be the extra boost she needed to close that distance Lapis made with her head start. Peridot slowly got closer, and she reached out a hand towards Lapis' back. But her fingers quivered in their miserable effort as she was still too far out of arm's length.

 

"Lapis!" Peridot shouted in sheer desperation. The proximity of her voice startled Lapis and when she turned her eyes went wide at how closely the green Gem had caught up to her. She faced forward again and her wings increased their movement, making Peridot instantly regret her impulsive voice. Peridot grimaced as Lapis pulled further away again. Panic snapped her patience that was already worn thin and she leaped forward, throwing her arms out for the fleeing gem ahead of her.

 

"Lapis!" Peridot shrieked the name again but her fingertips didn't even touch her. And in seconds, Lapis was taken out of her peripheral. Peridot flayed her arms and legs frantically, hating them for being too short and unreachable. The height of the fall wasn't nearly enough to shatter her but still, she didn't curse her inability to shape shift as much as she did now. All she could do was scream as gravity kept pulling her further away from Lapis and closer to the beach below, the overwhelming sense of powerlessness making her so bitter she had to squeeze her eyes shut.

 

And then, she stopped. She stopped screaming because she stopped falling. But she didn't hit the ground. Peridot's eyes fluttered open, and then blinked confusedly at the sand that was inches away from her. For a split second she thought she obtained the ability to float like Steven. And then she realized she wasn't floating at all. She was hanging because of the blue arms wrapped around her waist and holding her just above the hard ground. Catching her just in time before she got poofed by the fall.

 

Peridot looked up and instantly, she smiled that smile that made Lapis blush so involuntarily she couldn't hold the sparkling gaze. So while averting her eyes aside to no spot in particular, just anywhere that wasn't that goofy smile, she lowered Peridot down. And without giving her so much as a glance, she turned away and bent her knees in the stance she always took before taking flight.

 

"Please don't go, Lapis!" Despite how genuine the plea was, Peridot didn't believe the other would actually stay. But Lapis straightened her legs again and stood still at her spot. Peridot blinked at the back still facing her and carefully approached the blue gem.

 

"Is this why?" Lapis murmured, bringing Peridot to a startled halt right next her.

 

"What'd you mean?" Peridot peered up at her face, wishing the taller gem would at least look at her.

 

"I did this." But Lapis just muttered while she kept facing forward. Peridot quirked a brow, then turned to see what her sad eyes were fixated on. The smaller one almost gasped, as she realized what 'this' meant.

 

"So was it because..." Lapis couldn't take her eyes off of the large piece of splintered wood sticking out of the water. Maybe a wall, or a floor, or a roof—they couldn't tell. It was some piece of their barn. What was left of it. "Because... I ruined everything?" She wasn't just talking about the barn.

 

“What? No!” Peridot blurted. “I don’t think that!”

 

"Then what _were_ you thinking?" Lapis whipped around, finally facing Peridot who fell victim to her harsh glare.

 

"It could've been Pearl. Or Amethyst. Or Garnet. It could've even been Steven!" She seethed with a voice that kept growing sharper with each name. "But no! It wasn't any of our friends. Of all the choices, out of anyone... you went to Jasper!" But her eyes welled at this one.

 

"I... I know." Peridot's eyes lowered to her feet, knowing Lapis didn't understand how true those words were. Jasper may have made the offer but it wouldn't have even been brought up if Peridot hadn't approached her. Both Lapis and Jasper were right; Peridot went to Jasper. That's what happened. And the guilt lodged in Peridot's throat.

 

"Why? Why _her_!?" Lapis bit her lip as her voice cracked against her inability to even say the name anymore, like she didn't know if she could handle what it would cause. She was already struggling with what was causing her tears. "Did you forget what she did?"

 

"O-Of course not." Peridot could barely speak over the rain.

 

"Then, _why_!?" Lapis couldn't stop her tears like she couldn't control the rain that seemed to sync with her. The drops were demanding and unforgiving, falling faster, hitting them harder, drenching them and streaming down her face with her tears. All of it flowing freely like the merciless chaos that she couldn't make any sense out of. She didn't know what to call what she was feeling. It couldn't just be summed up in a simple label. It was too much.

 

But Peridot knew she was causing those tears. She may not know how to name what Lapis was feeling either, but she knew she was causing that too. She was making her cry. She was causing all that suffering showing on her face. She was causing that pain ringing in her voice. The awareness was enough to make Peridot want to shatter herself.

 

"It's not that I _wanted_ to fuse with Jasper. It's just..." Peridot felt her throat begin to close on her again. Her unusually timid demeanor further aggravating Lapis who heaved a sigh.

 

"It's just what?" Lapis snapped, making Peridot flinch.

 

"Everybody's doing it!" The smaller gem said in a loud rush. "Even Connie and Steven, and Connie's not even a gem!"

 

"That’s—“ Lapis stopped and blinked her eyes that caught the tear rolling down Peridot's green cheek. She narrowed her brows at the thought of being affected by something so small and she didn't want to believe she would yield so easily. But the single drop ebbed away her will to shout and she couldn't bring herself to keep it up.

 

"That's it?" But she couldn't let this go either. She wasn't yelling anymore but her voice was still like prickles of ice against Peridot's heart. Yet Peridot couldn't argue anything to defend herself. Even though she was only being honest to explain how she felt, she can see how Lapis only heard her line up a lousy excuse. She can understand why Lapis would dismiss her since it sounded like she only proved her point that it could've been anyone else. But it was Jasper because—

 

"Jasper fused with a corrupted gem. So I thought... maybe me too." Peridot bit her lip, feeling herself losing her nerve again, and her voice lowered as if to go with it. "You know, since...I mean... with everything... that's wrong with me."

 

"Wait," Lapis widened her eyes ever so slightly. "Is that what she said?" She stepped forward towards Peridot. Her voice picked up an entirely different tone that made Peridot look up. Her spine stiffened at the face. Lapis' element is water but Peridot could've sworn there was fire radiating from her. She was absolutely livid.

 

"Did she actually say," Lapis felt it too. "... There's something _wrong_ with you?" This new bout of rippling rage pulsing within her.

 

"No, no, no, no! She didn't actually say that!" Peridot shook her head vigorously. It's not that she really wanted to defend Jasper. But even with full awareness that the anger wasn't meant for her, Peridot was so thoroughly intimidated that she had to hold her hands up for Lapis to calm down.

 

"Then why would you say that!?" But Lapis did not calm down.

 

"Because!" Peridot slapped her hands over her mouth, realizing she had instinctively shrieked out of panic. Too late. Lapis stood waiting for her to finish. Peridot grimaced at that unwavering stare and lowered her hands from her mouth to let out a heavy, defeated sigh.

 

"She didn't have to tell me." Peridot mumbled lowly, unable to meet the blue gem's gaze with contempt keeping her eyes on her feet. "No one has to tell me because... I already know."

 

"What?" Lapis was so dumbstruck that her rage was swept and replaced with the confusion she couldn't hide. But what hit her hardest was the unfiltered shame Peridot was displaying in her inability to even look at her. She didn't know what to say.

 

"What're you talking about?" Lapis finally uttered the only thing she could come up with. She couldn't be more honest because she really didn't know what to make of what the green gem was saying. But she instantly regrets her genuine choice of words when she saw the way Peridot's lips quivered.

 

"I need limb enhancers. I can't shape shift. And... And on top of t-that..." Peridot's feeble words crumbled away to choked sniffles. She squeezed her eyes shut but failed in her attempt to fight the tears that were now streaking trails down her face.

 

"Peridot!" Lapis gasped, instantly brought down to her knees to hold the little gem's crumpled face. "No, Peridot, it's ok. None of that means there's anything wrong with you." The alarm from seeing Peridot breaking down in front of her had Lapis speaking quickly, but concern softened her voice. So soft that it allowed Peridot to lift her eyelids. But Lapis could tell that she wasn't convinced, and she felt her chest being squeezed at seeing those usually confident eyes so full of tears and self-doubt. Lapis sighed, wondering if she ever made Peridot feel this terrible when she let her see her cry, and stroked a thumb on her cheek. Peridot leaned into the tender touch of the blue hand soothing her to calm down. Lapis managed a small, relieved smile when she confirmed the tears finally stopped falling from her eyes. She lowered her hands from the sad green face and shifted her body to sit down. She looked up at Peridot and tapped the sand for her to sit next to her and Peridot did so without question. The rain was down to a light sprinkle now and it barely bothered them as they sat there staring at the Crystal Gems Temple.

 

"Look, Peridot, you're a tough Gem. It's not easy to even get you poofed, and so far, I've only seen Yellow Diamond pull it off. And you of all gems know how smart you are."

 

"Yes... I do." Peridot looked at Lapis who kept her eyes on the temple. She had spent enough time with Lapis to understand what her former roommate was telling her. She knows that this was Lapis' way of trying to tell her she should have known better than to be bothered by what others would consider were shortcomings. But Peridot faced forward again with a frown.

 

"But apparently I'm not smart enough to fuse." The green gem muttered and Lapis rolled her eyes.

 

"What'd you mean? You say that like..." Realization flitted in the blue gem's eyes and she turned to Peridot. "You've already done it before?"

 

"I tried." Peridot sighed and her eyes fell downcast. "But it didn't work."

 

"You tried? When?"

 

"A while back. At the barn when we were still worried about the Cluster."

 

"So... before we even lived together." Peridot nodded.

 

"With who?" Lapis asked curiously and Peridot's frown deepened.

 

"Garnet." The smaller Gem sighed and poutishly crossed her arms over her chest.

 

"Oh..." Lapis intoned, understanding now why Peridot was so disappointed. Garnet understood fusion the deepest among all of them. Becoming Garnet is so effortless for Ruby and Sapphire that they didn't even have to dance like everyone else. They just had to...be. All it took was for them to simply be together. For them fusion was as natural as breathing. So it only made sense that Peridot would be discouraged.

 

"So...what happened?"

 

"Nothing happened because I couldn't get it right. Not even with the help from an expert like Garnet! ... It had to be because of me." That discouragement brought Peridot's hands in front of her to frown into her palms. "There must be something _wrong_ with _me_!"

 

"Peridot!" Lapis grabbed one of her hands out of pure impulse, out of her fear of seeing her cry again. "You probably just weren’t ready. And that's ok. It's not something to rush." Lapis shook her head as she spoke gently, gripping her fingers around the green hand because she couldn't stress any further how much she meant it. But Peridot couldn't return the gaze with doubt still roiling her eyes and Lapis sighed as she let go of the hand. She huddled her legs close and propped her chin on her knees.

 

"My first fusion... my _only_ experience with fusion... I would give anything to go back in time and stop myself from making that choice." She sighed and closed her eyes. "Because it was a mistake. And sure, we were bigger and stronger, and there's that rush of power. But at the same time... I learned about sides of me I wish I never knew about. That I wish never existed." Lapis pulled her legs closer to cover her face. A wave of guilt washed over Peridot as she saw the tension gathering in her shoulders.

 

"And I don't want that for you, Peridot." The addressed gem felt her chest tighten at how she sounded like she was about to disappear right in front of her. She wanted to tell Lapis that she can stop. She wanted to tell her that she was sorry for giving her a reason to look back.

 

"Listen, Peridot." But Lapis sat up again and looked at Peridot, startling the smaller one because her face didn't look at all like she was about to cry. "You shouldn't fuse with just anyone. Especially if it's going to be your first time. It should be someone who cares about you and respects you. Someone who doesn't make you feel like you need stupid limb enhancers, and doesn't care if you can't shape shift. Someone who lets you be yourself without ever making you feel like you're not enough. Fuse with someone you can trust yourself with because that's what fusion is. You become each other."

 

"What about... you?"

 

"...Me?" Lapis uttered thinking she must have heard that wrong. But Peridot nodded with clarity gleaming in her eyes and it did nothing but confuse Lapis. "Why me?"

 

"Why not?" Peridot exclaimed and stood as if she couldn't contain the excitement. "You're all of those things. You never made me feel inadequate because I never have to care about limb enhancers or shape shifting when I'm with you. And I like being with you _all the time_! We do so much together; Make meep morps, tend to our vegetable, play with Pumpkin, watch Camp Pining Hearts and discuss why Percy and Pierre are perfect for each other, watch the sky change, name the different shapes the clouds are making..." Peridot counted down the list with her fingers, not noticing the stare Lapis was sending her, and then threw her arms up. "I always have fun with you. And most importantly, I trust you, Lapis Lazuli!" Words poured from Peridot in an excited rush, and Lapis could only blink at her beaming face.

 

"You... trust me?" After a short moment of taking it all in, her face lowered and her voice barely bounced off the sand below her. "You _trust_ me!?" She suddenly shouted and sprung to her feet, making Peridot stumble back and almost fall.

 

"L-Lapis?" Peridot stammered, unable to understand why Lapis looked so angry.

 

"How can you say that!?" And her obvious bewilderment only further aggravated Lapis. "Jasper was one thing, but did you forget about what _I_ did to you!? How much I hurt you!? Did you forget about _that_!?" Lapis thrust an arm out and Peridot let her nervous eyes follow what she pointed at. Earlier, Lapis deliberately sat so they faced the temple. Because she was avoiding having to look at that piece of the barn. But she couldn't ignore it anymore.

 

"Did you forget that I ran?" Shame overwhelmed Lapis and her shoulders rose and fell with her rasped breathing in her desperate effort to hold back her tears.

 

"Lapis, no one blames you for being scared, or at least I don't. I understand why you'd leave. You had every reason to be afraid of the Diamonds."

 

"Are you kidding me?" Lapis grit her teeth together. "I _left_! I left _you_! I _abandoned_ you! Because I put my cowardly self first! And I took everything, remember? The barn, our meep morps, the Camp Pining Hearts DVD's. I took everything that was ours with me and left you behind."

 

"But... you came back." Peridot said with soft caution and her frown showed how confused she was by Lapis and her rambling. "You were so scared of the Diamonds that you ran the second you knew they were coming. But you still came back. You could've stayed away. You could've stayed safe. But you came back to help us. And then, you even came with us to Home World to fight them again."

 

"So what, you're just going to _forgive_ me? Just like that?" Lapis' voice began to elevate again and for a moment, Peridot froze.

 

"Yes!" But the little gem suddenly burst with her arms thrown out and continued to shout at the blue gem in front of her. "Why is that so hard to accept!? I mean, yes, you left. And yes, you took everything. And yes, it hurt! It hurt so much that it made me angry! I was angry because it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that even after everything we've been through, after all that time together, you still left. It wasn't fair that it was that easy for you." Peridot paused and let her arms down again. She realized that this was the first time she and Lapis were actually talking about it. So much was happening recently that they didn't really get a chance to address the subject. But now that the words are actually flowing out of her, she felt the memory grip her insides. It weighed so heavily that her shoulders slumped and her head hung low, and she couldn't yell anymore.

 

"You left me with nothing like none of it ever mattered. Like _I_ didn't matter...Like I was nothing to you." Her hands balled up into tight fists at her sides. She never told Lapis... This was the first time she was letting her know. "So yes, I remember. No, I never forgot. I could never forget...how much it hurt."

 

"So why would you forgive me?" Peridot didn't have to look up to know Lapis was crying. "How can you say you still trust me?" Because she was crying too.

 

"I missed you, Lapis." Peridot rubbed her arm over her eyes to dry them, and then looked straight into Lapis' tearful face. "When you left, I was hurt. And sad. And angry. And confused. And lonely. And...heartbroken. But the moment I saw you and knew you were really here... none of that mattered. All that mattered was...you're here again."

 

"That's it?" Lapis stared at Peridot with disbelief widening her eyes.

 

"Isn't that enough?" Peridot could only give a shrug to go with her response. The simplicity of it filled Lapis' eyes with a new rush of tears. She covered her face with her hands and dropped down on her knees, not caring that she splashed in the shallow tide of the seawater. She felt Peridot's tiny hand on her shoulder.

 

"But it's gone." Lapis sobbed quietly and lowered her hands to turn her face to that piece of wood that was whatever piece of their barn. Peridot knelt beside her and looked at it too. What was once their home was now scattered everywhere into a mess of splinter and scraps of metal either washed away by the sea or buried in the sand.

 

"It's not just the barn." Lapis sniffled and Peridot looked at her again. "The truck. The DVD's. Even our meep morps. It's all gone. Everything. I destroyed everything! I ruined everything!" Lapis started to cover her face again but Peridot grabbed her hands, making her look at the green gem. There wasn't even a hint of reproach on her face.

 

"Lapis, you didn't _ruin_ anything. I mean, sure, dropping the barn on Blue Diamond destroyed it but if you hadn't done that, you wouldn't have saved us." Peridot spoke with that matter-of-fact tone she used a lot when she was stating facts.

 

"And as for the barn," She put a finger to her chin and winced, something she did when she was racking through her brain for what to do with those facts. After about two seconds, her eyes brightened. "Of course!"

 

"What?" Lapis urged her with a quirked brow for what she had come up with.

 

"We can just build a new one." The smaller gem smiled up at her cleverly, shrugging like it was the most obvious conclusion to come to.

 

"Build... a new one?" Lapis just blinked at her like it was the most profound thing she had ever heard.

 

"Well, sure. Don't get me wrong, the one Andy gave us was nice, especially after we renovated it. But we had to improvise with what was given to us. Now we can build an even better barn! Exactly how we want it, just for us! And we can make those meep morps again. We can even make more meep morps! And you know, Pumpkin's safe too, you know." Peridot grinned widely with stars in her eyes. Lapis continued to stare at her in awestruck stupor.

 

"So, what'd you say, Lapis Lazuli?" The addressed gem was startled awake when the smaller one took her blue hands. "Can we start over?"

 

In nervous hopefulness Peridot asked the question that struck Lapis in a way that made her body go rigid. Her hands slipped out of the green fingers wrapped around them, and quickly retreated like she had been stung. Peridot sent her a confused frown, causing a twinge of guilt in Lapis where her hands pressed against her chest.

 

"How can you forgive me?" Lapis started slowly and then she stood to turn her body away from Peridot. "When I can't even forgive myself?"

 

"But... what'd you mean?" Peridot pressed as she moved in front of her again.

 

"Don't you get it, Peridot?" Lapis closed her eyes as if it pained her that much that the green gem didn't. That she had to say it for her." ... I don't deserve you."

 

"You don't get to decide that!" But she shot her eyes open again to Peridot's scream. Vexed eyes held Lapis' startled stare with an intensity she didn't recognize. Peridot's chest swelled with that intense emotion. She didn't intend to hold it back. She was going to let it out and let it be heard.

 

" _I_ decide who deserves me! Not the Diamonds, not Steven or any of the Crystal Gems. Not even you, Lapis! Only _I_ get to decide! And I say _you_ , Lapis Lazuli," Peridot thrust out an arm to point at the addressed gem and went on to loudly add, "deserve _me_ , Peridot!" The pointing hand retreated to slap her chest.

 

"Got it!?" Peridot finished loudly again.

 

"...Got it." Lapis nodded once with unblinking eyes. Peridot exhaled as if to let out the last bits of what had inspired her outburst. And as if to let Lapis know she was finished, she didn't say anything and just looked up at the blue gem. They stood there, watching each other's faces. Lapis wondered what was still making her frown like that.

 

"So... what about me?" Peridot finally spoke up again.

 

"What?" Lapis blurted, not expecting her voice to soften so much.

 

"What about me?" Peridot repeated, and Lapis noticed how her face had changed too. She looked so sad, so scared, so... "Do I... deserve you?"

 

Lapis couldn't stand to see her look like that. She couldn't stand the thought of making her cry again and she was overwhelmed with her own intense emotion. She was on her knees before she could consider what she was doing, and Peridot uttered a small startled sound as Lapis pulled her in.

 

"Are you... Are you sure?" Lapis whispered, and Peridot relaxed to that voice as she felt the arms around her tighten. That was already the answer from Lapis. Because she's the only one who could give the answer Peridot was waiting for.

 

"Of course, I'm sure... you clod." The smaller gem murmured and hugged her back. Silence passed for the few seconds they stayed like that.

 

"I'm sorry!" But then, Peridot pulled away with her hands on Lapis' shoulders. "I don't really think you're a clod!" The green gem said in a panicked rush. Lapis blinked at her a few times. And then she grinned, and giggled so hard she snorted. Peridot froze at the sound. She didn't realize how much she missed it. And hearing it again, the familiarity of it, brought out a smile and chuckles of her own.

 

They hugged each other again. They didn't need to say anything as they kept giggling. They didn't stop laughing even as Lapis stood again with Peridot still in her arms, picking up the little gem from the ground. And as if something had sparked, Lapis began to spin, Peridot still in her arms.  They hugged each other even tighter and laughter kept bubbling out of them, like it was being squeezed out of each other in the tightness of their embrace. And they kept laughing, kept spinning, and it was like they were dancing right there on the beach.

 

They didn't even realize the rain had stopped. They didn't notice that the clouds have cleared to make way for the moon and stars to shine on them. But nothing was shining as brightly as two gems dancing together for a new gem to be born.


End file.
